Patience

My mom has always told me that patience is a virtue.  Throughout life, that has been an issue for me.  I am an instant gratification kind of girl!  Waiting is not something I am fond of.  I think God has an incredible sense of humor, because often I find myself waiting upon him...  This week, for a word about my talks. 

Lamentations 3:23-25


They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;

Monday, as I was talking, he prompted my heart to share things I hadn't planned for.  As the words were coming out of my mouth I remember thinking - Lord, thank you... but next time could you give me a bit of warning:-) 

He is good and we're told repeatedly to wait upon him. 

Psalm 27:14

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

Psalm 40:1

I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.
 
So....  I'm waiting.  I'm looking for confirmation for the Letting Go and Letting God talk this weekend.  I have an outline that needs to be turned in, and I don't feel like I've heard what I need to from God.  So, I'm waiting....  Praise God the people at the conference have more patience than me huh? 
 
Seriuosly though.... I can't help but wonder why I am so self centered that I have such issues with waiting.  God has been so faithful and i know he'll give me the words... he always does.  I can't say i'm worried, more just lacking patience (that's a nice way of saying - truthfully I'm irritated!) 
 
What is in the talk is good, so I'm not worried.  we're going to talk about the Garden of Gethsemane (Sorry - can't spell it!)  During my Neh. 9 time, God revealed much to me about this part of the gospels...  So I know what i have is from him.  However, I can't get rid of this feeling that he isn't done and has more to give me.  
 
So today, I'm praying for patience.  Not just for this, but for my husband as well.  He is processing some things and praying hard for them.  I wait patiently.  (And pray feverently!)  So...  more so than my talk, which I feel better just whining about for a while... pray for discernment and God revelations for Tom!  (Again, I'm waiting on God to move through Tom and provide.)  
 
Psalm 9:10
Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

THANK You God for the love you have for us.  thank you that we know you will answer us if we call to you.  Forgive my impatience.  It is not for lack of faith, as I know you'll provide.  I praise you for that reassurance.  You have the perfect plan and the perfect way.  May we be assured that your ways are so much higher than ours and that we can't begin to imagine the greater plan you have in everything.  So, I'm waiting, but knowing that you are working wonders and growing me in new ways.  Reveal yourself to me and provide confidence where I am weak. (As Emma would say!)  MA-Men

It's been a while

I have been saying I need to write, but everything else has gotten in the way.  So, let me bring you up to date... 

First, my sweet little cuties...

They have been such a blessing to me.  My birthday was last week Sunday and Tom was gone to YATEC.  The boys got up and were fussing in the kitchen and had turned the tv on for Emma.  I tried coming out, but they told me I "HAD to go back to bed."  Pretty soon, they were giggling into my bedroom, with.... you guessed it. Breakfast in Bed. 

So... it didn't look like this, but ... it will be something I will never forget.  They had an apple, an orange, a cheese stick and three pieces of chocolate.  (Guess which 3 ate them:-)) I also got a glass of ice water.  They literally squealed.  Seriuosly, it was so fun.  The fact that they did it all on their on, without daddy made me really get a bit choked up.  Carter and Caleb are going to make some lucky girl a great husband someday! 

That was last weekend...  This weekend was spent loving on Carter, who got the flu on Friday, but was fine by noon for the most part.  He was fine Saturday all day, and ended up sick again at 3am Saturday night.  Then today I had to listen to him cry on the couch about how hungry he was.  (But didn't dare feed him!)  Poor little fart!  Needless to say, he got lots of loving!  SO.... now we're hoping that the rest of the house doesn't catch this yucky virus!  Especially mom tomorrow, as I'm suppose to be speaking.  Last night when I was "cleaning up" and gagging, I could almost predict when it would hit:-) 

I have been busy working on 2 new talks.  They are coming together, but much slower than I anticipated.  Typically God just writes for me and I know what it is I'm suppose to say.  While I have general direction, I feel like I am all over the board.  I have until tomorrow at 2 to give the first one.  Thinking I'll need some prayer time tonight! 

Reflections...

First of all, my little angel is asleep and giving me some unexpected time to blog while Tom and the boys are at church ... What a blessing (Both Emma and the quiet time!) 

Over the last few days, I've been riding along watching God lay out plans before me.  Seems he is working at revealing himself to me in so many ways.  (At times I'm afraid I'm not keeping up!)  With that blessing, also comes trials.  I'm amazed how I can feel so spirit led in parts of my day, and then something happens on the home front and my emotions take control and I spend 1/2 hour venting to myself and God! 

I'm working on 2 talks right now and it's so hard to walk through the mud and encourage others at the same time.  I know people love it when we are real people.  I get that.  I is just hard to stand up front and "give advice" when you know how short you fall in following it each day.  God's grace covers that and he made me human, so I will continue to rinse the mud off and plow forward.  I need to also remember to be real and vulnerable, lest I forget that we need to help one another.  No happy facade must go on all the time. 

While many may see us as beautiful, I think each of us at times looks in the mirror at our reflection and says.... eeewwww... new wrinkles and tired eyes.  I'm praying today that he can make me fresh and new from the inside out.  That he might allow me to reflect Him from the inside, and that He would elimate the Worldly comparisons and emotions and let me turn my eyes upon eternal things...