Some days are just like that....

Sometimes we are strong and can sustain on our own.  Sometimes, we need the power of prayer from faithful friends to help us be strong.  As I reflect on the past week, I'm humbled. 

First, by how proud I can be.  It is so hard to ask for prayer, and so easy to let the cloud of darkness and depression linger.  I haven't doubted God's love, but I have felt so controlled by the evil attacks and persecution that at times I was so numb I could hardly function.  And yet, in my pride, I held my head up and kept plugging forward. 

And then... on Friday, faithful friends who love both Tom and I dearly began to show what it means to be a true christian friend. 



I had to work because Emma was sick earlier in the week.  I let my guard down just enough to let someone see a glimpse of my heart and they saw through the facade and asked their wife to join us and pray with me.  As I silently wept, and shared my heart, about my stuff, they loved me in a real, unconditional way and spent time... real time... praying over me. 

One called just to see how things had gone and how I was doing.  For an hour, while I drove to Sioux City, she listened and loved and let me know she had been prayer.  (Smile - of course she had!)

And then I got to Sioux City and met with a new friend, who shared a newfound perspective of everything happening lately with me.  (Without even knowing how her story of the loss of a child spoke to me in ways she couldn't imagine!) 

Then my dear Shery smiled and hugged me and just did life in a way that said - "I know you don't feel like talking, so let's just hang together." 

As if it could get any better, I drove home to meet more dear friends for dinner.  (After scoring a $3 chair for my front porch! - just had to add that!)  After a long wait and time in the HOME building, we headed to our house.  And while the kids all played, they got real, and asked Tom to share his heart.  And then, we gathered around, and laid hands on him and prayed.  Not a five minute, Lord be with us prayer, but for nearly an hour, we prayed together.  Empting themselves before the Lord on behalf of my husband. 

You see, legal issues had been escalating, our "situation" at home was weighing heavy, and both Tom and I were struggling with a cloud of darkness that seemed to b e more than we could handle.  I wanted to be there for him. He wanted to be there for me.  And the entire time, we are both crying on the inside. 

In the course of one day, God reached down, through the prayers of real christian friends, and touched our hearts. 

Humbling, yes.  Not only that they would pray for us, but that God would shower us with love in such a powerful way. 

On Saturday, Tom had what we hope is some breakthrough in some legal issues.  And... today, I made it through church without tears!  (for the first time in weeks!) 

Nothing has changed, and yet everything has changed.  Now, when I whisper Satan, you shall not pass... I'm not saying it to myself.  I'm not trying to reassure myself.  I'm entering into battle again, versus trying to just make it through. 

SO.... if you are one of the ones who was a part of our "Friday of prayer"  THANKS.  If you're inspired by this, please...  really - I mean it.. please be real wtih yoru friends and don't hesitate to ask them if you can prayer for them and be real with them...  That is what community is about.  It's about not being too busy.  It's about stopping when you see pain and praying.  It's about not being afriad to look foolish when asking to pray for someone, (OR asking someone to pray for you!) but following the promptings of the Holy Spirit. 

On a different note...

So, my last entry was pretty heavy!  Thought I would follow up with a little honest humor for you. 

I mowed the lawn today...  (LOVE the smell of fresh grass!)  Then, as I came in the house, I thought... jeez, my thighs hurt.  You see, when you get old and flabby and your legs rub together when you walk in slickies....  you get a rash.  HA - That's me... the old lady rubbing lotion on her thighs because her pants rubbed her wrong. 

Can you imagine!!!!  Guess it's time for some serious attention to the exercise program.  (Oh wait... I don't have one!)  Time to get started! 

Sorry for those of you who are skinny and totally don't get this!  Sisters who are with me, hope you got a smile from it! 

Every Tear I Cry...

 My intercessor is my friend as my eyes pour out tears to God; - Job 16:20


Some weeks are just like that.  This past week was one for the record books.  Attack came at me from every direction.  I can't even begin to tell you in a public forum what all happened.  From a very random attack on fidelity in my marriage, to financial and emotional stress over things that are way beyond our control, to horrendous things that still make me sick to my stomach, Satan has been a busy boy paying attention to this household.  As I took time today to reflect on it all, I'm overcome with a sadness for those people in this world who live everyday with out God.  I can't imagine what gets them through the tough times, or what causes them rejoicing so real it feels as if you'll burst. 

I consider myself a pretty strong woman emotionally.  I tend to think through and work through issues fairly well on my own.  This week, was a week for falling apart.  By Thursday night, I was shutting down.  Praise God for a close list of intercessors that can handle whatever I send their way.  For those of you that know me asking for prayer and to be left alone (like, I don't want to talk right now..) is VERY rare.  I shot off an e-mail through a blur of tears, and then sucummed to a flurry of tears and emotions.  My God is real, and he wants me to be real with him.  He's not a real God that wants fake people.  He wants me just as I am, and at that point, I was a mess.  My first cry was that he bring Tom home, as I didn't know that I could continue to do it without him.  (He was on business in Omaha and had texted saying he thought he might have to spend another night)  In a manner of minutes, I had gotten a call from Tom saying he was on the road.  (Smile - God cares about all the details!) 

As I shed the tears that had been piling up from trying to be brave, God met me right where I was at.  Nothing changed, but knowing He was there with me was all I needed.  I still was sad and sickened and scared and angry.  But, I also knew that God was working.  (even if I didn't "see" it right then)  He didn't cause any of the yuck, but he always uses it for good. 

Well... you see, my God loves me.  And he knew that this wasn't one of those times when I would catch subtle things.  So, he sent a messenger.  On Friday I was a part of a prayer meeting that had me filled up to a new level of ok.  (all by someone I had never met before)  In true human nature, by Friday night I was back to tearful!  (And I believe God was right there crying with me!) 

This morning, sitting in church, listening to sermon on missions and considering all my family had walked through in the last 3 months (and the last week) I was doing the quick blink thing again.  And from deep within he moved, and began to show me pieces of himself.  Honestly, I caught glimpses of God that I had never experienced before.  I understood bits of him and his emotion that I can't fathom having the privilege to know.  He was sharing a bit of his heart with me.  And, it changes everything. 

Now, the circumstances are still the same, but knowing how his heart hurts in this gives me a different outlook. 
My sweet sister in Christ, Lysa TerKeurst spoke these words at the Compel Conference in January.  Satan, you shall not pass.  Little did I know how I would fall back on those words written on my heart.  Satan.... you.... shall.... not.... pass....  You can attack, you can be ugly, but.... My GOD is the REAL GOD... and he will prevail. 

Begin to heal God.  Make Beauty from ashes and put anew song in my heart.  Give me Love, Joy, Peace and righteousness in the holy spirit.  Thank you lord for the gift of music and how you've written it on my heart so that your scripture is spoken even in times of sadness!