Obedience and Preparation

Obedience and Preparation... sound like big words don't they!  Today was a day that I got to experience both of them. 

I was driving to LeMars for a meeting today.  While I was on the road, I was praying for my friends Niki and Deanne who are preparing for a mission trip to India.  Then...  I felt God nudging me to go to Goodwill before my meeting.  (For those of you that know me, I was on Jen time, so I didn't exactly have time for this, but....)  I just had this sense that there would be 2 identical containers/oil pots there.  At this point, it wasn't really an option to not go, so I did.  I also had in the back of my mind that I'd look at this dresser that I had seen there last week too...  Well....  the dresser was sold, but as I walked up and down the aisles, there they were - two dark brown awesome looking little jars/pots that were like minature oil pots.  Perfect.  (Like I had to doubt!) 

I grabbed them and headed up to the check out.  And... sitting right there was some old silverware.  (something that I had been on the lookout for - Smile:-)  It was a double portion of blessing.  Had I not listened to his nudging, I would have missed out... how often do I do that in a days time??? 

Of course, I couldn't wait to give my dear friends their new "jars".  At harp and bowl tonight, I delivered.  As I was sitting there and soaking and praying, God opened my eyes to some of the significance of the Widows Oil.  God totally conviced me of all of our needs for preparation.  How for the widow with the jars, he provided all that she needed.  BUT... she had the faith to trust in that.  and she had enough to keep pouring out and not run dry.  This is a season of preparation.

For Niki and Deanne, it is for a journey to India.  A journey that I feel god is calling them to "be prepared" for.  To be undone by him NOW, before they leave.  To be so filled with him before they go that they can't help but pour it out onto those they are ministering to.  Like God is saying, don't just wait for something amazing to happen in India, Get so close to me here that your jars are all full and overlowing.  Then when you go, you'll know that I am providing for you.. again, and again and again... Wow... 

And then their are the virgins with the lamps of oil...  Some went into the wedding feast with their bride groom... And some hadn't prepared and were gone looking for oil.  Different story, same application... Preparation.... 

At this point I was feeling great about being in His presence and feeling him speak to me.  And then... (yep - there's more)  He very clearly convicts me and says - "this isn't just for NIki and Deanne.... this is for you too.  What are you doing to prepare Jen.  Is your heart so overflowing with me that you don't know where you end and I begin?  Are you looking to be undone by me?  Ori s it more about "head" knowledge - knowing more, learning more, etc.  I just want you.... 

So... while I'm not going to give up on reading my bible or learning more about God.... I am going to get to him more. 

Know more about Him, or know HIm - I chose to know Him.  Spend time learning about God, or spend time with Him???  I chose time with Him... 

Tonight my prayer is one of preparation.  God, I want to be undone by you.  I want to feel that closeness with you!  I want my heart full of you, not just my head.  I don' want to drift, I want to experience a new level of you each day...  Prepare me Lord... for whatever you have in store for me. 

And his final words for me tonight... 

Lots of people can teach about God - I want you to help them know me.... 

The power of a Valentine

So, this post has been tumbling around in my head for a while, and this is the first time I've had a chance to sit and write...  

I recently was blessed to have the opportunity to lead a young man to Jesus.  All because of a valentine.  Seriously.... 

We were helping at the recent Community Unity meal, and Emma helped hand out left over valentine's that the kids at the Sioux Center Christian School had made.  One of these landed in the hands of a sweet boy who was 12 or so. 

After nearly everyone was gone, he had the courage to ask if we had any more Valentines.  My friend Jean promptly responded to his request.  She found one that had a bible verse on it and opened it for him to see.  In lieu of the long story, let's just say that he was needing him some Jesus in his heart:-) 


As we prayed the salvation prayer with him, I kept thinking... wow, little did those kids at that school know that their valentines would be the opening for this boy to ask Jesus into his heart. 

You see, each of us is a valentine.  We just make it seem complicated, when it's really not about us at all.  If we just listen and do whatever it is that God asks us to do with child like faith, he will use it for his glory.  A simple act, a small act, something that seems somewhat insignificant to us, can be the thing that makes a huge impact on someone else. 

I know I find myself thinking that I have to do "big" things.  That I have seek out people and talk to them about Jesus and that I have to have the right words.  This Valentine was a new awakening to me.  It was as if God was saying... "Hey Jen, it's nothing to do with you... I can use ANYTHING to get this person.  You are just one small valentine that I created and am asking to help in the process." 

I may have had the opportunity to "say the prayer" with this young man, but that was such a small part of his journey to that point.  I wish that I knew which child drew his Valentine and could call the school and say "please tell so and so that their valentine was the one that was convincing enough to soften this boys heart."  But that's not how God works.  It wasn't anyone, it was everyone, and no one.  God softened his heart, but he used several people along the way.  The Healthy Families advocate that encouraged this family to come, the Zestos people that were their with food to send home with them, my friend Jean who talked one on one with him, his friends at school who had talked about God, the First CRC group that served him lovingly that night, the people in the prayer closet that prayed during the evening, etc., etc., etc.  You see the list could go on and on and on.  We never know how our walking in obedience to God will change the lives of those around us. 

So, what's going through my head repeatedly about this.  Honestly, I keep thinking - it was jsut one valentine handed out by a 4 year old girl a month late.  And yet... it made a difference in the heavenlies that night.  Wow...  I mean really, think about the angels rejoicing.  Wow... 

When we started Community Unity, in the back of my mind I always thought - wouldn't it be great if someone would give their life to Christ here at some point, and how do we create an environment that would enable that to happen.  8 months later, what I thought was a far off dream became a reality.  Funny thing is, I don't think that we had anything to do with creating that environment.  I think God orchestrated it so perfectly and others were just obedient in their role. 

I'm asking that you join me in praying for this boy.  Life is hard and unfair, and I so want him to just be able to feel and rejoice in the joy of Jesus.  As he processes for a while, please join me in praying that he will experience God in a mighty way.  That he wouldn't doubt what happened but that he would rejoice in it, and feel "different" in a good kind of way.  Pray that the troubles of his young world would not drawn him away from the Lord, but that they would pull him closer to God. 

On another note, my birthday is on valentine's day.  I'm accustomed to valentines, and have always loved them.  However, from now on, I don't know that I'll be able to look at a valentine and not pray and remember this dear child of Christ.  What a sweet gift that the Lord gives me.  That each year, I could remember and rejoice for just this one!  Thank you God for your love!   

For they know not what they do... unless you enter like little children...

Oh my sweet Carter...  He has such a big heart. 

So, I'm still processing this, and therefore, you all get to process along with me! 

Last night I was tucking my little dude in.  We were laying there just finishing up praying and he said to me... "Mom, everynight I pray that God could forgive all their sins."  (long pause...) 

Carter - whose sins? 

"All their sins mom"

"who is their Carter?"

"THE ENTIRE WORLD MOM"  (yes in that like DUH MOM voice!) "I pray that God would forgive all their sins and mine too."  (mom, speechless - long pause)

As I was thinking through this, I reassured my Carter that his prayer was perfect and that I thought I would pray it as well.

So today, I'm really thinking about that.  My 8 year is committed to praying that God would forgive the entire world of their sins.  (and his too!)  WOW...  I should be so bold.  I have a hard time forgiving my neighbor and getting over my own "stuff" and my 8 year old randomly shares that he prays this at night in bed when he is going to sleep. 

I think I'm beginning to see what Jesus meant when he said that the we need to enter the kingdom of heaven like little children.  With faith like Carter - to pray for sins to be forgiven.  (And to believe that God is forgiving them!)  To pray for healing, for deliverance, for ... for... for... 

Oh, that I could have a child like heart.  Teach me O God.  Reform me and mold me and make me more child like in my faith! 

Breathe, swallow, apply grace...

My friend Niki is wise.  (smile!)  We used to do bible study regularly, and her matra for nearly a year was breathe, swallow, apply grace.  This has been a while back, but these words come to me often in times when I am really struggling.  Today, these words are what is getting me by. 

Let me start by telling you that over the last year I have been able to watch my husband grow in his faith in ways I couldn't even dream of.  I can remember a couple of years ago when we were in so totally different places spiritually that it was really hard for me.  (Don't get me wrong both were good places, just different :-)  It has been so cool to watch.  Please don't take this as pride.  We both have a LONG way to go.  But...  to be moving even at a snails pace forward seems good. 

Tom has been tormented by some things that have continually been a punch in his gut.  It has been a form of persecution that is silent, but so, so hard on him.  (And very hard to watch!) 

And then... he was ignited by God to do something.  If you know my hubby, he is a very steady Edy.  He thinks things through, he doesn't over react, he prays faithfully, and he isn't easily influenced.  In this case, he did those things, but from the get go, he knew it was from God.  To see him with passion and excitement has been so cool.  AND... to think that God did this to him in the midst of an incredible trial in his life.  VERY COOL... 




However, I have to hand it to satan, he sure can make things complicated sometimes.  The past few weeks have been filled with moments of joy and excitement, followed by what feels like repeated punches in the gut.  I can't tell you how many times I've uttered the words "Get behind me Satan." 

This process has left me in a state of tears.  Some for joy, some from love, and many from just all out frustration.  The punches in the gut will pass, and it will all be worth it.  This I know.  However, in the midst of the process, it sucks.  It's much easier to feel hurt and sad and confused when it doesn't involve people we are close to.   To act like Jesus and love and take thoughts captive is hard.  To discern which thoughts are from Satan and which justified (most are from Satan) is even harder.  I like to be in control (Gasp - I know, you can hardly believe it!)  In this case, I have consciously decided this is Tom adn God's thing.  (breathe, breathe, it's ok!)  However, as I watch miscommunications and some very frustrating conversations happen, it is taking everything in me to let God be in control.  I want to fix what are little things now... 

I'm going to be bold and ask for prayers for me.  Prayers for patience to endure the punches in the gut.  Prayers that I not remain "stuck" in the middle, and Prayers that I can continue to have confidence in myself (Bet you never thought you'd hear me say that!). 

I'm honestly at a place where I'm sick to my stomach.  And yet... I'm not certain that anything short of prayer will do a darn bit of good!  SO.... I'm praying, and asking that you pray as well.  I know this is a bit vague.  However, I have no idea if anyone reads this or not, or who those folks are.  I feel like Tom needs to be able to "announce" what God has called him to.  I just need to love and support him.  (That's the easy part by the way, cuz it is really cool!)      

God never said it would be easy.  In fact, he promised persicution.  So, why am I surprised?