On a different note...

So, my last entry was pretty heavy!  Thought I would follow up with a little honest humor for you. 

I mowed the lawn today...  (LOVE the smell of fresh grass!)  Then, as I came in the house, I thought... jeez, my thighs hurt.  You see, when you get old and flabby and your legs rub together when you walk in slickies....  you get a rash.  HA - That's me... the old lady rubbing lotion on her thighs because her pants rubbed her wrong. 

Can you imagine!!!!  Guess it's time for some serious attention to the exercise program.  (Oh wait... I don't have one!)  Time to get started! 

Sorry for those of you who are skinny and totally don't get this!  Sisters who are with me, hope you got a smile from it! 

Every Tear I Cry...

 My intercessor is my friend as my eyes pour out tears to God; - Job 16:20


Some weeks are just like that.  This past week was one for the record books.  Attack came at me from every direction.  I can't even begin to tell you in a public forum what all happened.  From a very random attack on fidelity in my marriage, to financial and emotional stress over things that are way beyond our control, to horrendous things that still make me sick to my stomach, Satan has been a busy boy paying attention to this household.  As I took time today to reflect on it all, I'm overcome with a sadness for those people in this world who live everyday with out God.  I can't imagine what gets them through the tough times, or what causes them rejoicing so real it feels as if you'll burst. 

I consider myself a pretty strong woman emotionally.  I tend to think through and work through issues fairly well on my own.  This week, was a week for falling apart.  By Thursday night, I was shutting down.  Praise God for a close list of intercessors that can handle whatever I send their way.  For those of you that know me asking for prayer and to be left alone (like, I don't want to talk right now..) is VERY rare.  I shot off an e-mail through a blur of tears, and then sucummed to a flurry of tears and emotions.  My God is real, and he wants me to be real with him.  He's not a real God that wants fake people.  He wants me just as I am, and at that point, I was a mess.  My first cry was that he bring Tom home, as I didn't know that I could continue to do it without him.  (He was on business in Omaha and had texted saying he thought he might have to spend another night)  In a manner of minutes, I had gotten a call from Tom saying he was on the road.  (Smile - God cares about all the details!) 

As I shed the tears that had been piling up from trying to be brave, God met me right where I was at.  Nothing changed, but knowing He was there with me was all I needed.  I still was sad and sickened and scared and angry.  But, I also knew that God was working.  (even if I didn't "see" it right then)  He didn't cause any of the yuck, but he always uses it for good. 

Well... you see, my God loves me.  And he knew that this wasn't one of those times when I would catch subtle things.  So, he sent a messenger.  On Friday I was a part of a prayer meeting that had me filled up to a new level of ok.  (all by someone I had never met before)  In true human nature, by Friday night I was back to tearful!  (And I believe God was right there crying with me!) 

This morning, sitting in church, listening to sermon on missions and considering all my family had walked through in the last 3 months (and the last week) I was doing the quick blink thing again.  And from deep within he moved, and began to show me pieces of himself.  Honestly, I caught glimpses of God that I had never experienced before.  I understood bits of him and his emotion that I can't fathom having the privilege to know.  He was sharing a bit of his heart with me.  And, it changes everything. 

Now, the circumstances are still the same, but knowing how his heart hurts in this gives me a different outlook. 
My sweet sister in Christ, Lysa TerKeurst spoke these words at the Compel Conference in January.  Satan, you shall not pass.  Little did I know how I would fall back on those words written on my heart.  Satan.... you.... shall.... not.... pass....  You can attack, you can be ugly, but.... My GOD is the REAL GOD... and he will prevail. 

Begin to heal God.  Make Beauty from ashes and put anew song in my heart.  Give me Love, Joy, Peace and righteousness in the holy spirit.  Thank you lord for the gift of music and how you've written it on my heart so that your scripture is spoken even in times of sadness! 



Gasp......

So... let me start by saying that Sunrise Service in Iowa, is NOTHING like the Sunrise service we got to experience in Florida last year.  Absolutely beautiful! 

However, God has a way of making things beautiful wherever you are.  This morning as I headed out the door alone to our sunrise service (happily night I add - 1 hour on Easter morning to just relish in God's love all alone!)  I was a bit sad that I wasn't on the beach in Florida. 

I glanced at my blackberry and quickly read an e-mail that had me weeping before I even got to church.  As we were singing the opening songs, this feeling came over me.  God was speaking, and I just stood there taking it in.  Words can't really articulate it, but let me try!  (Roll eyes here!) 

Gasp....  It was like I was in the throne room and it was silent.  Complete silence, and the angels... just... gasped.... 

And God spoke to my inner being.  You on earth are rejoicing and singing songs, but the angels gasp.... 

That might not sound like much to many of you, but I was wiping away the tears (the little girls in front of me kept turning around looking at me worshipping to songs and crying.... yeah I was that lady!) 

Then, as Pastor Rick preached out of John 20, it happened again.  That sudden realization that God was moving me.  Rick was talking about how James and peter went to the tomb and then left, and Mary Magdalene was there weeping when the angels appeared to her and then Jesus appeared. 

God clearly spoke to my soul...  "Jen, they were with me.  They sat at my feet and were my closest friends.  I told them what was going to happen, and even as it was happening, they didn't understand.  Don't get frustrated when people don't understand now."

OH GLORIOUS DAY!  You see, I've been needing a bit of my God.  Some whispers were much necessary.  So many things on my heart, so many things I want to shout from the mountain tops.  The e-mail that had me in tears on the way was resolved with God's whispers. 

I came home filled with joy.  Yes, I'm elated that we get to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus and the defeat of Satan today.  However, more than that, he woke me this morning to a reminder that I SERVE A LIVING SAVIOR, he's in the world today, he walks with me and talks with me along life's narrow way. 

It's my prayer that I can find the narrow way.  That I not get caught up in the world, but that I seek His will and purpose, and that I listen.  Soon we'll be talking about him leaving so that he can leave behind one even great than him (the Holy Spirit).  WOW - Easter isn't the end of Holy Week..... it's the beginning of much more profound, celebratory stuff... 

Thank you Lord, for your moving in me today.  You move and I want more, you speak and I want more, more of your spirit....  Release the fullness of your spirit - Shekina Glory Come!  (if you don't recognize it, it's the lyrics one of my favorites!)  If I can figure it out, I'll play it on my site with this post... No promises though!